My New Best Friend Named Lies

I remember the first time I heard you.
You were like beautiful music in my ears.
You came so suddenly I didn't know how to take you in; but I did.
I wrapped my arms around you and gave you a hug as if we were best friends, but
I remember when you left me,
When the other one came in.
The sound was like screeching metal and it made me cringe.
Instead it pushed me down and wiped away my grin.
I got back up and wiped the dust from falling to the ground,
But eventually I was consumed by all its words; I drowned.
The first one tried to fight its way back into my arms again,
But you won out because you've had more time with your tricks and games you play.
So I waved goodbye to truth in hopes we'd meet again
And I cowered down passing by my new best friend named lies.

I wrote this poem the other day because I have a tendency to believe lies. Lies others tell me and lies the devil tries to deceive me with. Usually the lies win out because we feel more comfortable believing them instead of claiming victory, but I want to challenge you to claim the victory over lies. Believe in truth; which essentially is Jesus.

Needle and Thread

I don't think I've had a time in life where I could say, "I'm completely ready."
Like, "Oh! I'm fully prepared' or 'I haven't missed a thing."
Instead, I think I've been the opposite.
Underprepared.

I always pack my suitcase too full in case I need a couple extra sweaters if it's cold,
but I never manage to pack enough kleenex to wipe away the tears from the wind.
I always manage to wear enough layers when the snow is pouring down,
but never enough blankets to warm myself up when I come inside.
I always manage to grab too much makeup off the shelf,
but never enough face wash to clean it off.
I always manage to meet my expectations,
but never to the full degree I intended in the first place.
I always manage to aim high,
but never shoot the arrow far enough.
I always manage to win at things I'm really good at,
but never take a loss as a lesson to help me succeed.
I always manage to fall in love,
but never buy enough bandages to fix my broken heart.

You can never be too prepared, so don't waste your life on getting all the loose ends sewn together, but rather on the needle and thread.

Trust Issues? I have a solution.

This summer has been a challenge. I moved away from familiar territory to something different and new. I have found myself angry, sad, irritated and bitter since I moved away. I have also found myself asking God why He wanted me to move and every time He answers me the same.

He has been speaking to me a lot about (in a nutshell) trust. A lot of components come with trust. As defined in the dictionary trust is, 'reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence.'

When God asks us to trust Him. He's asking us to confide in Him. Give Him everything: our talents, strengths, insecurities, sins, weaknesses, pasts, presents and futures. 

EVERYTIME I have given some struggle to God , He has showed up. He has gotten the glory and showed me so much about myself: Who I can be in HIM, How I can be in HIM, Where I can go in HIM and what I can do in HIM.

No matter how hurt you are or how badly your trust has been broken; His arms are everlasting, His love is never ending, His promises are always true and He IS trustworthy.  

Disconnected

In the midst of adversity, I find myself penning my collective thoughts on a pressing issue I'm facing in my life.

So here I am,once again, with a problem that can be resolved, but merely by something that is higher than I, a change in perspective and an inward evaluation.

The last couple weeks have been, well...difficult. Being a full-time student and an employee or in others cases: a parent, a full-time employee, or whatever your occupation may be; this can relate to you. 

Humans. We are all humans I would like to assume (except for the occasional few who we think may be from a different planet) , but we all have one thing in common: each other.

Humans constantly want to and desire to be connected to other humans. Studies have shown that having connections and relations with others will decrease your health risks, stress factors and increase the longevity of your life. 

With that being said, what are the sacrifices we are willing to make to have these bonds with other homo-sapiens. Would we murder someone for acceptance? Would we steal to make to fit into a group? 

I mean, these are extreme examples, so let me get down to a level where I think we can all relate. 

Would you ever join in with gossip so you don't look like the odd one out? Would you ever go to a party because you want to fit in even though that's against your moral beliefs? Would you ever curse to make your coworkers think you're 'cool'? Would you spread a rumor to get someone to notice you?

I'm sure you can relate to one of these. I know I can relate to all of them. I'm guilty as charged, but that can and has been changing over time.

Some of this we blame on immaturity, jealousy and maybe lack of judgement on the situation. In the long run, these extremities we go to in order to get the temporary satisfaction of people not thinking illy of us; aren't helping. 

Connections are meant to be healthy. Connections with other people don't have to look like gossip, rumors, envy, or going somewhere you shouldn't. We are meant to make connections so we can grow and learn and be better from each other. Being connected with others and wanting 'fit in' isn't a new age idea. This has been around since the beginning of time. God gave Eve to Adam in the garden. Jesus had a group of disciples and friends He did almost everything with. Connections are real and they are meant to happen, but I think sometimes we lack an understanding of what we are doing when we are agreeing with a group of people we barely know that Sally is 'weird' because  she dresses differently than you. Maybe Sally can't afford new clothes because she got laid off at work or maybe no one ever took the time to connect with her on a deeper level to teach her how to properly dress because no one ever cared. I think it's eye opening to step out of our comfort zones and connect with someone we usually wouldn't or to keep our mouths shut when someone's spreading rumors or to stand up for what is morally right. 

Like I said, we are all humans and all humans want to feel and be connected.

So, the next time you want to feel 'connected' with someone or a group of someone's, practice integrity, be a morally sound connector, stand up for what's right, get plugged in to conversations for the right reasons and dig a little deeper for a connection that will never get disconnected. 

The Most Expensive Thing You'll Never Buy

Once upon a time, there was a little boy and a little girl. They went everywhere together. Every day they would go on a new adventure. They would build sand castles, sing a made up melody, laugh at jokes that no one else would understand and watch the sun go down. But at the end of every day, they would exchange their most valuable possession they owned and go their way. This process was repeated every day until one day; the little girl said ‘no’ because in her heart she knew. She knew it wasn't right to exchange a possession for something that could never be replaced.

          

A memory. A shared moment. A single smile. A look of hope. A hug filled with love. A picture. A present. A late night talk. A shoulder to cry on. A laugh. A memory.

            

Memories are priceless. Memories are treasures you can never get back. They give us hope. They help us dream. They take us places. They define who we are. Memories are beautiful and they have no price tag. You can’t buy it at a store or trade it on the lot. You can only lock it away forever in your heart and in your mind until one day; they all are lost and given to someone else through the times that you gave them.

Through life and death a memory will live on; never asking for anything in return and never wanting more or wanting less. Memories are priceless.

Quick Tip

When you trip; normally you fall. When you fall; normally you try to find a way to get up. When you get up; you're wounded. When you're wounded; you want to give up. 

My advice to you if you fall:

1. Get up

2. Wipe the dirt off 

3. Stand tall

4. Smile

5. Keep walking

Keep walking confidently, boldly, proudly, wonderfully, beautifully and strongly.

Everyone falls. Everyone has to in order to understand that diversity makes a person stronger, so next time you fall. Stand up and stand up tall.

I'm Dating Someone Special

There are plenty of stories that portrait love in a way that's compelling and almost believable, but what happens after the wedding? Or after the big scene where there is forgiveness? Most movies or storybooks leave this part out. I doubt they do it to make us buy into a lie that a romantic love has no fault but reality of the matter is; it does.

When I was little I told my mom that I didn't EVER want to get married and naturally when I was 13 I had my first crush. I'm sure everyone can relate to a time in their life where this was true.

As I got older, I had my heart broken and thought the world was going to end, and in turn I made choices that didn't reflect what I believe. 

I believe that Love is:

patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails. (1 Corinthians 13:4-7 ESV)

The love talked about here is the love that Jesus portrayed in the Bible and the older I get, the more I realize that the kind of love I want is Jesus' love.

If that means I never meet the right person, I'll still be able to turn to the one that can give me more then any man. 

I'll never be cheated on, lied to, heart broken or hurt.

This love; is a love to hold onto. Married, single, divorced or searching because it NEVER fails.

Figuratively speaking; I'm dating someone special and He's the best boyfriend I've ever had!

Are We Really Free?

I recently had an assignment in my philosophy class to answer the question of free-will. I was a little iffy when it came to responding because; 1. I wasn't sure exactly what I believed about it and 2. I knew I could start some pretty steamy debates among fellow classmates. That being said, I posted what I believed regardless of the controversy it may have caused, and this is what I came to conclude:

IF free-will was non-existent people would not have as many religious beliefs. I believe in a God who is based on the idea of free-will. Without free-will we couldn't chose to be with God or a god. Aside from what you believe; being with God will make you more free. A lot of people say religion will just bind you down to more rules and laws, but I disagree. The concept of being with God is so that you can be "free" from all of the other binds in life that could take you down the path of not being free. This may include; drugs, alcohol, sex-addiction, etc...I am not saying that one can't get out of those things once they are submerged, but I am saying it is more difficult to, if say, you had a belief in something much higher than you that will help you stay free from those things.

With that being said, because this concept of God is to "set one free" in a sense, you have the choice to do ANYTHING you want. Being a believer, doesn't make you better and doesn't make your wide variety of decisions in your life different, it just helps you distiguish bad from good and be free of going down a path that could take your free-will from you in a heart beat.

Without the Bad; the Good Disappears

I read and shared a quote recently that said, 'sometimes it takes a  good fall to know where you really stand.' I couldn't agree with this more.

I guess you can say that recently I 'fell' but through the midst of the pain, tears and hurt I have learned a lot about myself. 

Sometimes I think people miss the point and don't understand why we experience suffering and heartache, but if we never experienced the hurt we wouldn't appreciate the good. Without the bad, the good disappears. 

To an extent, falling is a good thing. It means that you stood for something at one point and you believed in it. I'd rather stand for something than nothing at all because if I didn't then I would never fall to realize what I SHOULD stand for. 

The Giving Tree

Relationships. We all have them. Whether they are with a spouse, friend, family member or pet; they are inevitable. 

But how do relationships work? What keeps them alive? There have been thousands of studies done to answer this question because so many relationships fail. Some say just love each other, the rest will fall into place. Others encourage communication and honesty. All of these have a good point, but I think that relationships are a lot more complicated than that.

When I think of a relationship, I imagine a tree. Starting out, it is planted by commonalities and similar ways of thinking. As it grows, it is watered by time and care. Not a shallow type of care, but a much deeper care that allows the roots to grow stronger. This care turns into love. Love, in turn, translates to communication, honesty, loyalty, and trust. This looks like a more developed tree with branches and a strong trunk. Over time, there will be storms, overwatering, and maybe a couple broken branches. But through all of this chaos a general consensus of nurturing and learning from these trials this tree will grow stronger and taller. Eventually, the tree should blossom beautiful flowers and these can be shared with others. Passing on what you have learned from your trials and storms will, in turn, lead to more trees being planted and that is a beautiful thing.

Don't be afraid to let your tree to get knocked around a little bit. That's a good thing but allowing it to fall over is probably the worst mistake you can make when those relationships were worth it from the beginning.

When it Rains; It Pours

Imagine a beach. You are on this beach. Basking in it's vast beauty and soaking the sun into your tanish-pink skin. All around you are beautiful palm trees and there is sand between your toes. You can hear the rush of the water smacking against the sand as the tide comes in, then suddenly; you hear a blood curdling scream. A scream that you can't describe to others, but try to in the most vivid way possible. You jump up from this oasis and you see a figure, in the water, struggling to stay afloat. You run towards the figure in hopes to save it, but as you keep running, it seems as though you aren't getting any closer---the figure continues to shrill and you are starting to feel hopeless and then you realize that what you are trying to save is a mirror image of yourself. This utopia of perfection is merely an idealistic image you created in your mind to erase all of the chaos in your own life.

I don't know who can relate to this, but I'm sure we all have an escape of some sort. I like to call these our sanctuaries. There are days where you just want to crawl up in a ball, fall asleep and never wake up, but instead; you grab that book that changed your outlook on life or you go on a walk on your favorite trail and nestle yourself in that special spot on the trail where no one can see you. We all have them. Whether they are the things I described above or your family, faith, friends or church. Our sanctuaries are our safe havens. The things we turn to when we are drowning in the realities of life. If you don't have a sanctuary, you should get one. They will be your savior when everything around you is crashing down like a waterfall. 

It seems as though whenever one thing goes wrong, it doesn't end there. The one wrong thing multiplies into a bigger mess then you can handle. Instead of giving up hope and letting the overwhelmingly powerful wave of failure drag you under; grab the steering wheel of your ship and learn how to sail through the storms of life.  Don't lose touch of reality, if everything is crashing down; sail on harder, push yourself, pray, ask for help, swallow your pride and hold on tightly because storms want to win, but they won't if you face them head on and not only dabble in the water, but get completely drenched.

Because When It Rains; It Pours and it's probably a good idea that you bring your Ship :)

What to expect when your expecting

Spring break is one of those things that people look forward to especially as a young adult. Whether its going home to see family, going to Florida with friends or going to visit old friends.
My spring break twenty 13 consisted of me going back to the college I went to y freshman and sophomore year. I was so excited, anticipated it to be amazing to see old friends and even teared up when I got the ticket.
As the days drew near I kept thinking about all the people I was going to surprise, catch up with and have fun with.
Little did I know that my trip was going to turn out differently then I thought.
The trip taught me about the people who really do care about me, about the people who don't and that I was just expecting more then I should have.
It's crazy how a little bit of hope can be crushed by one judgmental look, a mean comment or facing your worst enemy. I am disappointed in myself because I expected too much and thought highly enough about myself that people who I thought were my friends would miss me, but through it all, I am so thankful for the friends who have put up with me through thick and thin. Their love will surpass all of those judgmental people or those who I thought were my friends.
Overall, spring break was a learning experience. I learned a lot and I don't regret it one bit.

A Box of Donuts

Today was my last day working with a boy I have been taking care of for the last four months who has a mental disability. Sure, the job is rewarding and I love the boy immensely but at times it can be exhausting to repetitively tell someone to put their clothes on (just saying). The thing I love the most is that this boy has pushed me to my limits with patience.

Patience. That word that a lot of us struggle with living up to in definition. It's not a simple concept and it definitely is something that, at times, I'm not patient enough to deal with. But what does patience really look like? Is patience being able to not yell in a tight situation? Or is patience being able to stand in a line for 2 hours to get a dozen donuts?

I think patience is being content with any given situation you are in, whether it be taking care of a boy with Aspergers, standing in line at the grocery store or waiting for the right person to come along in your life. Being patient requires a lot of patience which is an incredibly odd concept, but it's true. Patience is the ability or willingness to suppress restlessness or annoyance when confronted with delay (As defined in the dictionary).

Ultimately, patience goes a long way, patience takes you places you've never been before, such as; a sense of peace within yourself, a better bond with other homo-sapiens, and maybe even, a box of a dozen donuts ;)

Perfect Love

You know? Being an open follower of Christ is a scary thing. Especially in the day and age we are in right now, openly following Christ and not being afraid to do it is not cookie cutter perfect or as easy as saying the ABC's. Most of the time on Facebook I read how great God is or a blessing He has showered us with (myself included) which is true,  but here's the thing, being a Christian is and can be scary. As I reflect on this past year, I look at the fear I have had with being open about my faith and ACTUALLY being open about it. Not this 'I have faith' and 'God bless America' stuff. Anyone can say those things now a days, but that doesn't deem anyone a true follower of Christ. 

So what's the solution? Jesus. Jesus is the ultimate solution. He came down to this earth and poured out His PERFECT love to every individual person on this planet and that includes the terrorists, the young adult that killed 20 children, and you. If we as followers of Christ decide to delve ourselves into Christ's PERFECT love, it will cast that fear away. (1 John 4:18) 

One of my goals is to not be afraid of WHAT I believe, WHO I believe and WHY I believe it :)

The Story of the Perfect Life

Once upon a time there lived a girl and her life was perfect. She never had one struggle, trial, or tribulation. She was always happy and everyone she met she was best friends with her for the rest of her life. Her parents and her never fought and she never got in arguments with her brothers or sisters. She lived, loved and died peacefully. The End.
WOW! Don't you wish your life could be like this? No struggles, no fights, no pain? I honestly can't imagine what my life would be like without any trials or tribulations. When I think about how much I wish people didn't have to go through such terrible things, I remember that the pain we go through is not even comparable to the pain that set us free. Jesus Christ suffered physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually just like, if not more, than we do.
Recently, I have been going through some significant struggles. Struggles that I know are making me stronger, but at the same time are; painful, slow and kind of annoying. Through all of these struggles though, I'm trying to remember that the one who saved me and is bringing me through these trials, went through trials too. I challenge you to remember that going through pain and suffering is not a bad thing. Although the situation or circumstance may be bad, Jesus already has the victory. He won that victory far before you even went through what you're going through.

Romans 5:3-5
And not only so, but we glory in tribulation also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience; and patience, experience; and experience, hope: and hope maketh not ashamed because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us.

I have hope because my Savior didn't just suffer, He walked on water too.

Inhale and Exhale

Recently it seems as if every time I post a new blog it has been awhile since I have written, so my deepest apologies. My life has been crazy recently. I leave to go home in 2 weeks exactly, I have project due date on Monday, I have lots of homework and a couple finals coming up. School is the most consuming thing in my life currently, but with school comes friends, issues, projects, homework and drama.
I don't know if it's because it is my second year in college, but I have found that more and more people tend to put others down. Maybe it's because we know each other better now or maybe it's simply because we don't have anything better to do. I know for a fact that I have said some pretty nasty things about some people this year and all it is doing for me is...well, nothing actually.
Putting others down may build you up for a temporary moment, but in the end you're the one who is hurting yourself by wasting your time talking about someone or something when you could be doing better things such as ; encouraging someone, buying someone a gift, giving advice, getting closer to God or just having quiet time.
My challenge is to see if you can go a day without talking negatively about anything or anyone. I mean, it is the time of year to focus more on being grateful. Who knows? Maybe you'll save a breath or two :)

The Great Sadness

The Shack by William Paul Young has recently inspired me to better  my walk with the Lord by putting my full faith in Him. Although this concept may not sound as difficult, I believe putting it to action is the most difficult thing in the Christian walk. In the book, Young talks about a man who goes through this Great Sadness in his life. Overtime you realize that this overwhelming emotion in his life is the loss of his youngest child. Obviously, this loss is a great burden in his life and later he ends up giving this burden to Christ.

Recently in my life I guess you could say that a burden has been lifted off my shoulders. I gave something to God that had been tying me down for too long. After I gave it to Him, it hurt a little, but God gave me peace of mind about it. Letting go of this burden did not mean that I couldn't pick it up again though. And I did just that too! I picked it up again, carrying as if it were my own and that's when I began to crumble back down into this dark state again. Have you ever been in a dark room? And by dark I mean, you can't even think about what daylight looks like and the darkness is just swallowing you. You can literally feel the darkness. That's the state that I'm talking about. The state of complete despair and hopelessness. Here's the thing though. Just when you want to give up, hurt yourself even more than you're hurting, or shut off entirely to the only Light in your life; you see it. The little flicker in the distance. The voice in the darkness that causes you to be at peace and  be still. That soft, quiet, humble, yet powerful voice.

If you didn't catch it, that voice was God's. That Light is Jesus. He is the Light unto our paths we tread. He is the hope we have when all else fails. He is the peace inside our hearts that keeps us from fighting with ourselves to do something stupid. He is that still, small, beautiful voice.

Whether your Great Sadness be a loss in the family, an emotional struggle, an inward spiritual battle or a physical insecurity; let Jesus take your burden at the cross. He already paid the costly price to make that un-needed pain go away in your life.

Let God, be The Great Happiness in your life.

All Things Work Together For Good. Don't They?

Do you remember when you were little and you were super excited to go to your friends house for a sleepover? Or when you couldn't wait to open up that gift at Christmas? Or what about the time you counted down until it was your birthday? Where did all those feelings go? It seems as if the little things don't impress us anymore. Everything in life has to be bigger and better. Need less to say, I want that feeling of excitement to come back to me for college.

I will be 100% honest with anyone who asks me right now if I'm excited to go back to school right now and my answer will be the same every time; no. Sure, I am stoked to see my friends, I'm excited to be a Room Leader and ready to see what God has in store for me,but I am dreading this more than anything. I have to say goodbye to one of my closest friends and it's killing me. I have to leave my little brother who I got closer with this summer and I have to leave my mom who at times bugged me like no other,but we worked through it.

Emotionally, I'm a wreck. I am ready to give up,but I keep getting this tiny ounce of hope every time I open the Word, read my daily verse, or pray to God. Everything is going to be okay. I just have to continue to tell myself that.

Ripping Off The Band-aid

As a little kid everything seems to be so much bigger than it actually is. Recently, I went to a waterpark that I had not been to in over five years. Going there was like facing that huge final exam my second grade year.
From going to the water park I came to conclude that experiences in our life are always going to seem one way, but be another in the big picture. We as humans are going to continuously go through things in our life that will sometimes seem very big, but in the 'big' picture of life they will be very small and vice versa. I believe that as a girl I tend to let emotions get the best of me at times and I have recently known someone who went through a situtation that seemed big, but in the long run, it is only a little thing that she will face in life. Looking back she will think 'Wow, I really thought was a lot bigger of a deal than it was.' And the cycle goes on and will continue throughout our lives. I'm not saying in the least that we should shrug off every event in our lives as if they mean nothing, but I am challenging myself and others to be strong in  every situation even if it hurts like a load of bricks hitting you in the chest and knocking the wind out of you.

Things in life are gonna come at us quick and we need to be willing to rip off the band-aid quickly so it doesn't hurt worse in the end.

Accomplishing Great Things

"Being busy does not always mean real work. The object of all work is production or accomplishment and to either of these ends there must be forethought, system, planning, intelligence, and honest purpose, as well as perspiration. Seeming to do is not doing." Thomas A. Edison.


This quote about sums up my freshman year at college. I mean, I was always busy doing something,but that busyness did not necessarily mean I was really accomplishing anything worthwhile. I mean, I could have been busy eating that chemical processed food in the dining commons, or working on a paper I did not want to be writing at 4 in the morning. Either way, the heart behind it and the attitude is what matters more than turning in a paper 3 minutes before it's due.


What did I "accomplish" my freshman year at college then. I think I learned more than I ever have in my life about patience, love, friendship, spirituality, religion, teamwork, good character, and more. God really showed His work throughout the year. Although I was not the closest with God at times I KNEW He was still there watching over my shoulder helping me "accomplish" the things that were worthwhile. 


I made new friends, said goodbye to some and cried with many. Through it all I have learned that God knows what He is doing no matter what. He puts people into our lives because He loves us, He wants us to learn to love others besides ourselves and because He is an awesome God. I am excited to see what God has in store for me and my friends I've made here at school this summer. I hope He does something life changing and that we accomplish all that should be accomplished.


Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end."

So long.